This totally just happened

(Nick's asleep in bed sideways, covered up by my blanket. He needs to move to his side of the bed and take his blanket and his pillows. Also the bed has moved away from the wall and needs to be pushed against the wall again. I cannot do this while he slumbers. The bed is pretty big and heavy and Nick makes it impossible to move. This whole conversation takes place with Nick half asleep, eyes closed. Intermittent snores are heard.)


Me: Nick?

(I proceed to say his name about ten more times.)

Me: Open your eyes so I know you're listening to me.

(He keeps his eyes closed and, for some reason, raises his left hand.)

Me: Nick? Open your eyes.

(He does not open his eyes. He puts his left hand down and raises his right hand, smashing me in the face and putting his pinky up my nose. His eyes open for a second. He is immediately asleep again.)

Me: Why did you raise your hand?

(He's totally asleep again.)

Me: Nick. Nick, move. You need to move.

(He wiggles.)

Me: You want to move? To your side of the bed?

Nick: Nnnnnmnnnn

(He sort of moves over a little but he's still laying on the bed sideways. Now he's totally in my spot. I decide to let him wake up a little bit and continue talking to him.)

Me: Nick? Did you set your alarm?

Nick: Yes.

(He's awake! Sort of. I pick up his clock. The alarm is not set. He is totally just sleep talking to me.)

Me: What time do you want to wake up?

Nick: mnnnnnnnm 10:09.

(He has to work at 10. He has a meeting at 11. He has to leave the house at 9:30. He is so totally still asleep. I decided that only continuous talking will rouse him from his slumber.)

Me: You have to be at work at 10, Nick. What time do you want to wake up?

Nick: 10:30.

(I start setting the alarm clock for the time I think he usually wakes up, 8:45.)

Me: You didn't answer me. Or move. What time do you want to wake up?

Nick: I TOLD YOU ALREADY!

(This is shouted at me like I'm the crazy one in this conversation. He finally moves to his side of the bed, resumes sleep.)

Me: You need to get up, I need to fix the bed.

Nick: mmnnnnnnmmmmm

(He stands up. I don't think his eyes are ever open. He somehow navigates to the end of the bed and pushes it against the wall. He gets back in bed and is asleep in seconds.)

Me: Do you want pillows? Do you have enough pillows? Nick?

(I receive snores in response. I hate that he can fall asleep this quickly. I hate it because I am jealous. I bet you five bucks he does not remember any of this conversation in the morning. I set two extra alarms to get him up because he is dead tired.)

P.S. BIRTHDAY UPDATES WILL COMMENCE TOMORROW.