PR - from the hip

Sleezebag has never seen the Olympic Opening Ceremony? Ever?

Leatha is driving me insane.

Keith is getting the bitch cut.

Thank God another twin is gone. Now I can tell everyone apart.

Project Lameway

Moi mentioned that Project Runway is really lame this season and it really is. It's like the producers realized that the only people we liked in the past were characters so they needed a whole season of characters. But it was an awful idea.

Because I hate nearly all of them.

And they don't even have names to me, they all have shticks and that is what they are...shticks. Even the one (or two) that I don't mind have their own little pigeonhole.

Oh and if they don't have a thing? They look exactly like another person.


Here's a rundown:

Jerry Tam - Bland asian middle-aged guy. Spoiler alert - Don't get attached. He's gone already.

Wesley Nault - New England trust fund guy. Spoiler alert - boring and gone.

Blayne Walsh - Tanning kid.

Daniel Feld - Is he the black guy? Oh no, he's what's his face. Sleezeball. He gives me the heeble-jeebles.

Emily Brandle - The Bettie Page girl. Oh no. The shy girl. Oh no. The other one. The one that's not any of these.

Korto Momolu - The African girl. Trust me, she'll remind you in every interview just which one she is.

Jennifer Diederich - The one that looks like Leanne and is overlooked like Leanne.

Jerell Scott - This one's the black guy, right?

Joe Faris - Hey, he's from Michigan. I don't remember who he is though. Beard guy? Yeah, beard guy. The one that isn't anyone else.

Keith Bryce - The you-are-really-cute-why-aren't-you-straight guy.

Kelli Martin - The blond Bettie Page.

Kenley Collins - The original Bettie Page.

Leanne Marshall - The quiet one that looks like Jennifer and is overlooked like Jennifer.

Stella Zotis - The one who likes leather. And wears hooker clothes that are WAY too young for her.

Stephen "Suede" Baum - He calls himself Suede. He talks in the third person. 'Nuff said.

Terri Stevens - The black woman.

CHAPTER FIVE

dude. He sang the bleep. Awesome.

I love hypocrites. R Kelly, you done cheated on her too.

There's the beretta! Okay. Sex with the gun on? Wow.

I don't know how this one will have a cliffhanger. She cheated on him, he cheated on her. The end.

Oh. That's how. I guess he didn't sing the I got pulled over bit.

So. Gwen has a friend Roxanne who knows Chuck and Rufus (the gays from the beginning). Rufus' wife Kathy, with whom R Kelly had an affair, went to high school with Gwen. Kathy introduced Gwen to Police Officer who made R Kelly a cuckold.

CHAPTER FOUR

This is some stylistic driving shit.

Woo woo. I will never hear sirens the same way again.

Are police officers allowed to smoke on the job?

Gwen is an awesome liar.

I am going to try singing/narrating every sex scene from now on. Oh and this sex with pants on thing? Fantastic!

Nice cover up, lying Gwen. TOO BAD IT DIDN'T WORK.

CHAPTER THREE

Okay, pastor with a gay lover, totally cool. Whatever. But your wife picked up some baretta-wielding guy at the club who is now threatening to kill you both and this is the moment you choose to be all hey I'm gay? POOR PLANNING, SIR.

WHY IS R KELLY STILL THERE? Flee the coop! Flee! This ain't none of y'all's bidness.

Okay, shooting commences. I hope no one lives upstairs. Geez.

Who calls it a cellular? Oh R Kelly and your vernacular.

OMG IS HIS WIFE A CHEATIN TOO?

Okay. If she is, why would she let her lover pick up the phooooone? seriously.

I guess we'll find out in...CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER TWO

Kathy looks like she was told to look scared. And she didn't know how.

What the hell is mack shit? I need me a dictionary all up in here.

Click. Who sings the sound you make when you hang up the phone? Really. I wish I'd written this.

Oh no! Who is on the phone!? Why are they coming back? I think I remember this part.

Okay, he is going to shoot both of them because he doesn't know who is walking up the stairs? I don't know how people with guns roll but this is silly.

CHAPTER ONE

I forgot how awesomely bad this episodic adventure was. Just the title screen makes me giggle.

That damn dripping water sound is going to drive me insane.

Omg he's in two places at once! On the bed and in the closet.

Woman move out my way! ... Shu shu quiet. Man, this is classic. There he goes to the closet. There's the upstanding husband...

OH NO HIS PHONE IS RINGING!

OMG OMG DON'T LOOK IN THE CLOSET!

Okay, if this story is to be believed, who brings their beretta to the club? I mean, really.

NOW HE'S AT THE CLOSET NOW HE'S OPENING THE CLOSET. Classy lines, man.

Trapped in the Closet

The first time I watched Trapped in the Closet was three years ago with Micah at AQ. It must have been after some SAC thing. He dragged a bunch of us over to St Joe's and we crowded around someone's laptop, watching the first 11 chapters (if there were more back then, we would have been all over it).

Yesterday, on a whim, I decided to google it and found all TWENTY-TWO CHAPTERS up on ifc.com. Now, I have not watched them all yet but I thought it would be a great way to kick of my liveblog.

Because, really, is there anything better out there?