I found out something tonight that, while it may explain the fact that Katie has not spoken to me yet and has been distant for the past year, is kind of something you tell your best friend. While I have not been involved anything to the degree that she has, when I did it/it happened to me I did tell my best friend. Sadly, she wasn't there to be that friend.
So I've resigned myself to the fact that we're not doing this friend thing anymore. I called her earlier today and she called back while I was napping (I tend to think too much when I'm sad/stressed/whatever and this thinking thing earned me two hours of sleep before a long work day). I have not returned her call and I don't think I will. If she happens to call while I'm home, I might pick up. I might not.
I probably won't.
I'm dropping all internet connections with her and we'll see how things go.
The ball's in her court now. I've always been the bigger person. I am not doing that anymore. I have put too much effort into this black hole of a relationship to keep going. I'm not doing that to myself. I've done it my entire life. I know better.
Although I might not have consciously believed it, I stopped calling her my best friend a long time ago. I should have seen the warning signs but I had hope. I mean, I hadn't received a call or postcard or letter or anything from her while she was away but I had a thousand excuses for that.
Oh well.
It's all for the best really.
This should be the last I'll talk about this here. Sorry about this. Sometimes it feels better if I just let it all out and everyone else just wants to fix it, not to listen.
I'm glad you all understand. Thank you for all the support. It's hard to lose a friend you've had for such a long time. Especially since, with all the moving during my childhood, I've never had one for that long. This whole situation is quite new to me. I've had my heart broken many a time but never by a friend.
Blah blah emo etc
Love you all.
About Me
- Rachel
- I am a recently married gal living in a medium-sized town (that thinks it is a big city) located a state with an unemployment rate of nearly 15% working my first full time job.
I love everyone and I think every single person deserves to be happy every day of their lives.
2 comments:
That sucks. So much. Losing friends, especially the ones that you thought would always be there and expected to always have your back, is one of the worst things in the world. I'm impressed with the way you've handled it - not being really aggressive or overly judgmental with her, but waited to see if she could suck it up and be the bigger person for once - but sometimes people don't know how to do that. And that's fine. You can be better off without them. It just takes time (and sometimes a long time) to realize that if they weren't going to put effort in the relationship, they were only going to drag you down too. I'm sure Moi has told you about the time that she and I were pretty much dumped by a person(s) we thought were our very good friends. And it was hard. And it was stupid. And I even think I wrote a journal entry about it (you know, with pen. :) But now, some 6-odd years later, it probably was a good thing that it happened. Because I found out who my real friends are (hint: all y'all) and I am so much happier this way than I think I could ever have been.
So, take a few more naps and then watch some Dr. Horrible. :)
I wish we were all still there so you could come over and vent about it in person. Moving away sucks. Blogs just can't cut it sometimes.
Ditto what Toi said.
I too wrote one journal entry during this time and now I reread it and it makes me laugh. It sucks now but it gets a whole hell of lot better.
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